I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we're so committed to being not committed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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