my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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