So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
