i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
