i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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