Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
