No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
