It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
