we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
