Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize