what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
