Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize