New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
