when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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