I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
