Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
