i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
