If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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