i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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