That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
