sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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