You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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