I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
BRING THE BAGELS
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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