I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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