It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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