So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize