Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
