I faked an abortion last night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A+ Viking dick
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
