but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
