Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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