I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
