I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
