the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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