We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
