Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
