I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize