I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
