I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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