ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
