You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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