he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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