Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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