you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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