mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
