but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
