Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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