Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
