You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize