I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
