She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
