he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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