Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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