i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
