I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
