one two three fourrrrnication!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
