I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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