fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
