you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
