and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You were trust falling into bushes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
