And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize