She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
