Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
