a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
