And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
people are starting to question the shark bite story
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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