Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
