my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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