Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
