This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
