sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
