I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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