This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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