I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
