I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
