i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
