This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
