Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
