Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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