I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
