Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
