you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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