ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
