If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
