U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
