yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize