Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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