true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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