Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
