Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
