Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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