capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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