I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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