I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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