We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize