I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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