I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
