that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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