five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
