Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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