Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish i was in the wii world.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
