M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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