She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
