Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize