Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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