We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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