sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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