I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I believe in your delicious
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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