Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
